I read this article, which supposes to blow the lid open on the “Bro Job”. You can go read the article, I will even link it for you. But let me first tell you that this article pisses me off. It makes me angry in more ways than I care to count at the moment, and I feel like it is a step backwards in the fight for the acceptance of the LGBT community as part of our society.
It is my sincere hope that someday the acronym “LGBT” and the word “Feminism” are archaic social oddities of the past. I want us to progress as a species to the point where we do not have to separate ourselves in any way and simply accept that we are part of the same amazing species that is ever evolving and changing. For now though, they do some good and I am all for Gay Pride and those who champion “feminist” causes.
So to sum up, a “bro job” is when a straight guy gives another guy oral sex, because they are friends. The article is stating that 1. This is more common than we think (because of course the author is omniscient and knows what we think) and 2. This is perfectly normal straight behavior and that young men giving other young men oral sex does not make either man gay.
So there is one and only one thing about this article that is any good at all, it may, and I emphasize may. It may make some people more comfortable with their past sexual practices and help them accept themselves for who they are.. but more likely it will just help them deny, possibly repress, but at least separate themselves from others whose behavior they view as not normal.
There are several problems with “normalizing” this behavior. First it implies that anything else is not normal, it is not normal to not experiment, it is not normal to be gay and only be with men. So that is one issue. Am I suddenly abnormal if I did not experiment with men in college? Is it both normal to experiment and not to experiment? Then is it not normal to be gay? and if everything is normal then why are we having this conversation?
The author presumes to give permission for someone to still identify as “straight” even if they have engaged in same sex experimentation. Who is she to presume this power? An individual should identify as they chose to. This is why we accept the trans community (or we should at least) as whatever gender they chose to identify as. You do not get to pass judgment on others. If a man wants to identify as gay, but has had relationships with women in the past, or even still engages in sexual relations with women occasionally, why do we get to label them as anything at all?
This is directly from the article here.
Ward argues that the real reason “straight” men behave in these ways is to “reaffirm rather than challenge their gender and racial identity” and “to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men.”
In other words: They do it to prove they’re not gay.
Kinda like how a blossoming homosexual might experiment with a girl in high school or college once or twice as a way of testing the waters. We all know how that story ends.
So that first part just sounds like justifying, and mostly like BS. But the idea that “We all know how that ends” just hits home that the author has a very narrow opinion of what your sexuality is allowed to be.
The article also discusses that
“A straight white girl can kiss a girl, like it, and still call herself straight—her boyfriend may even encourage her. But can straight white guys experience the same easy sexual fluidity, or would kissing a guy just mean that they are really gay?”
So we are judging women’s behavior as well, and lets take a moment to realize that this author is a little obsessed with race. This article, and presumably the book it is discussing emphasizes being white to the point of it being a little strange. Like men who are not white are also not normal. One wonders what she is really trying to sell?
We are so obsessed with sex that we need names for everything, we must be straight, bi or gay, we must be monogamous or swingers, we must be kinky or not. Most people fall into grey areas, some don’t, but we are all people. If you have had sex with one or one hundred people, men, women or both, at the end of the day you live here with the rest of us and are able to love and be loved.
Instead of needing a special name for oral sex between male friends, how about we just accept everyone pass on the need for judging their consensual sexual behaviors. Accept that they may chose to identify as straight, or bisexual (or even gay). Encourage everyone to be who they are and not be ashamed of it.